I do believe that in this world there are two types of people: Hopeless romantic and Realist.
A realist believes that people can be replaceable, if a relationship does not work another will. However, a hopeless romantic believes that soulmates do exist, that god put them on Earth to be with that one person, that “special” person.
The reason why I am giving you an idea about the different types of people is that I want you to understand the choices I have made through my life and especially not to judge me my dear friend.. I hope that you don’t.
I am not going to give real names or places, I hope you don’t get me wrong, I mean nothing bad about it but It’s better this way for everyone.
Being a hopeless romantic is not something I chose to be, but it did however affect my actions and decisions through my relationships with others, especially with the “special” ones.
Being a hopeless romantic means that you will find yourself implying emotions in every situation which may often leads to weakness and vulnerability.
As I was listening to the song “Cant Take my eyes off you” from the soundtrack of the movie “CLOSER”, and through listening to the lyrics “no hero in her sky”, it suddenly hit me.
Looking back at my past relationships, I have always searched for a “hero” to save me. But why? I kept searching for an answer to this question. This big need of wanting to be saved by my friends, by the guys I have met, all my life I kept looking for someone. A friend to fit into “the best friend box”, a guy who can make me feel safe but why I needed to feel safe?
This huge need for wanting to be saved by that special person, by “the one” by that soulmate who I won’t ever be complete without him.
It’s sad isn’t it, seeing people in such a way. There is one simple answer to that question. I was a hopeless romantic with a broken heart believing that only the “special” person can fix it. Only the one, only the soulmate.
I wanted to love myself, to be proud of myself. I wanted to be one of those people who believes in themselves, but I couldn’t. I hated who I am as a person, I could never picture my self as an independent who dont really need that specific friend to rely on or that cute guy to be her little hero… This need for people made me really weak and vulnerable towards everyone… And mostly, it deprived me from pure emotions… I wanted to “want’ my friends not to “need” them, I wanted them to be a part of my life not the center.
See you soon my dear friend.
Love always, Ines